I know... Let's blame God!

I had a lovely time visiting this great little place called Kansas. It was definitely just like Oregon...well...after a giant took a bulldozer to it. I really wish the vacation had been longer. I haven't had a breather like that in a long time.

But, here I am, back in lake puddleville and my normal daily grind.

Today was the first day of spring classes. This morning I sat at the bus stop soaked to the bone, and a lovely gentleman came and tried to chit chat with me. He started with the small talk out of the blue, and I geared up for preaching. The man did not disappoint. Out of his raincoat came a magazine that I am oh so familiar with. I just smiled and before he could say a word, I gave him my spiel, "I was raised in that religion, they kicked me out, and I want nothing more to do with it. Thanks." The poor guy waded through torrential downpour for nothing. Perhaps I should feel bad, but I don't. Perhaps I should feel guilty for that, but nope. Nothing. At least hell will be warm.


I arrived at my math class. Another girl and I sat in the back row. Shortly after, one student who has taken three classes with this teacher sat between us. The two of them started talking about majors. She wants to go into creative writing. He asked her favorite author. Now, at this point I'm interested. A fellow lover of words? Heck yeah! But then, she opened her mouth, and out fell the old death sentence on any respect I had. "I don't really read." WHAT. THE. HELL?

I'm sorry. I will never buy ANY book by an author who doesn't show support for other writers. Really? That's just...I mean...

OH. HELL. NO!

Writers MUST read. I won't respect you if you don't. PERIOD.

The worst part about it? She said God called her to writing. It was a gift.

What about the rest of us who have the same gift? Huh? You want us to support you, but you don't really read? AUGH! And this set off my God rant.

What is wrong with the world today? If man has free will—if GOD gave man FREE WILL—why is it that one man tries to lord it over another? Why is it that no one takes responsibility for their actions anymore? Why is God blamed for everything? Why is he responsible for everything?

Before you religious folks go off, stop and think. I did not say God was evil. I did not say I didn't believe in him. I didn't say a word about God aside from acknowledging his gift of FREE WILL. If you read closely, you will see I am talking about PEOPLE. I actually feel kind of sorry for God. Natural disasters are his fault. People throw around Bible verses to suit their own needs. Gays are judged, told that they aren't allowed the same rights as everyone else because of God. God takes babies when they die. Old people go to heaven to be with God. Anything humans can't tolerate is either forbidden by God, damned by God, or blamed on God.

The poor guy is probably sitting up there with his head hanging over the toilet as he empties the fifth of Jack Daniels he drank last night because he never thought that his beautiful creation would actually finally develop a full blown teenage mentality. And anyone who has teens or pre-teens knows that feeling of wanting to be bestest buds with something strong enough to numb the pain. Maybe those who tell me to turn back to God need to consider that maybe God needs a little bit of a break himself. Maybe God trusts me enough to make the right decisions. Maybe he wants me to do so in order to prove to him how proud of me he can be. Maybe he wants to be able to gloat to his buddies about how I'm passing all these tests with flying colors because I have taken that free will and learned to treasure and respect it and use it properly.

I'm not preaching. I'm not saying there is, or isn't a God out there. What I'm saying is this...

Does anyone REALLY care about what GOD feels? Or are we as humanity using him to promote our selfish desires without taking the blame for our thoughts, ideas, and beliefs?

Maybe it's true that my ability to write is a gift from God. But ultimately I am the one who has to choose to use it. He knows that too. He gave me the gift, it's my responsibility to do with it what I will. I won't blame him, and I won't gloat about it and say I'm better than anyone else, but most of all, I won't throw away the right I have to claim the hard work I put into it. God may have given me my gift, but once it passed to me, it became mine. I embrace it, accept it, and know that I can use it as I see fit.

God's gifts are not returnable. He gave them, he wanted us to have them. And I'm sure that if he spoke to me, he'd tell me the same thing he'd tell everyone else. Take responsibility for them, use them wisely, cultivate them and watch them grow.

And for heaven's sake...

STOP TRYING TO RE-GIFT THEM TO ME! I'M JUST NOT INTERESTED!